Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize