I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
