yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize