woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
