So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
