Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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