dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
