is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
