Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
