I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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