ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
