A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
