You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
