i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
