well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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