went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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