my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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