I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
