this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
