Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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