Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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