i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
