Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
