I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Found the puke drawer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
