He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
