So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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