My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
