I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
