I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize