If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
