I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
