There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
