his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
