It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
