i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
