okay pat passed out under dana's car
Where is the hickey?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
