the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
