we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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