i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
