so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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