Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
