remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
