In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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