i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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