I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
