he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
