you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
