dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
