1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
