He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
