remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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