Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
