What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
