shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
