I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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