I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
