Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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