Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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