??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
