There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
