i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
