So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
