Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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