so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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