the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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