I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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