Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
