Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I party with great urgency now.
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